Who's going to play Putin...?

I know a certain crash and burn child actor who's going to look like a murderous Russian ex-president if he grows up.

.

Aspirations

I'd like to go into a Carrefour (large supermarket in France) during rush hour on a weekend, when families come to buy large quantities of food and other supplies so they won't have to come back and endure the pain for at least another week. I would pick one of the busiest cash registers, with a long line of packed trolleys. And I would buy just one wooden hanger.

I'm starting to lean..

She claims that Mr Obama does not have enough understanding and experience of foreign relations. Yet she has "a Bush moment" when confronted with the question of who will take over as president after Putin. Medvedeveda.... what ever! ;)

.

The sides are forming

As of today, most western countries have recognized, or stated that they intend to recognize Kosovo as an independent nation. Canada still remains neutral (no explanation will be attempted) and Spain is opposing the secession. In the case of Spain there is little doubt that the refusal to accept Kosovo as independent is grounded on the fear that the Basque and Catalonian regions might follow suit. The situation in these regions is not exactly the same as for Kosovo though, a province (country) that was stripped of its political and cultural influence after a referendum initiated by a certain Slobodan Milosevic, has been through a 4 year long armed conflict with Serbian and Yugoslavian security forces, and was subjected to ethnic cleansing by above mentioned president of the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia. I doubt that Spain has reason to fear recognition of its separatist regions by the international community.

Another (more) important nation that has opposed the declaration of independence is Putin’s Russia. Russia and Serbia have a history of alliance and the Russian peace keeping forces were welcomed as saviors in Serbia since they were the only armed force not (totally) under NATO command. The Russian support for Serbia in this secession case seems to come at a price though. Putin’s inevitable heir to the throne, Medvedev, who is also the chairman of Russian gas monopoly Gazprom, has just recently signed a deal with Serbia on a gas pipeline that will run under the black see, through Romania, and later into western Europe. Analysts say that Serbia is giving away their resources at bargain prices. He also took the opportunity to offer a bid on Serbia’s state run oil company, NIS. The offer was 600 million $, one fifth of the estimated market value. Regarding the recognition of Kosovo, Mr Medvedev was quoted

”It is absolutely obvious that the crisis that has happened is the responsibility of those who have made the illegal decision and will unfortunately have long-term consequences for peace on the European continent.”

Although an armed conflict between Russian forces and NATO/US is unthinkable, I can’t help to think what will happen if NATO forces once again have to intervene. The cold war is over and can never be revived, right?

Only in France?

I have stumbled upon one or a few odd things here in the south of France and I will try to illustrate as much as I can. It is often behaviour, phenomena, or product/business names that I, with my social/cultural upbringing, percieve as humorous or bizzare, and that simply would not fly in most other countrys. I'm not saying this is something specific for France, this would be the case in any nation, it just so happens to be that I live in France, so I will exploit its peculiarities. First observation in this picture series: A food brand name that would have convinced me to purchase, had it not been totally useless and unappealing to me. I can't stop smiling, imagining this was a consciously chosen name, meant to position this dieting chocolat as a premium brand that would appeal to homosexual aristocrats.

.

Sarkozy vs The People

The funniest piece of French news lately is Nicolas Sarkozy's latest blunder. At the agricultural faire in Paris this weekend, he was walking amongst the common people, shaking their hands, admiring cows etc. One of the participants was not too eager to shake his hand and said “Me touche pas, tu me salis”, - don’t touch me, you’ll make me dirty. The president’s response was “Alors caisse toi pauvre con!” – get lost then you poor idiot, never loosing his smile.

This is not the first time Mr Sarkozy has had a run-in with the people he represents. When talking to fishermen at Guilvinec, struggling with fishing quotas, someone in the crowd expressed his discontent with Sarkozy’s recent pay rise and said “We also want a 140 percent pay raise!” Sarkozy is challenged by this remark and says, on camera, “Who said that? Was it you? , why don’t you come down here and say that. If you think that I will be insulted by fishermen..

I did not like Mr. Sarkozy’s appearance when he emerged in the 2007 presidential elections. Thought he looked like a crook. I was baffled by his embracement of the US which followed very shortly after he was elected. As a spokesman for the French people he told the Bush administration that France is a great friend of the US. I get the feeling he is not really in touch with “le peuple”.

Not friends with friends

I have made an important discovery about my psyche. I think I know now why I don’t laugh at F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I have had to reflect on this since most people actually do find this show amusing, and of course then you start to wonder what’s wrong (or right) with you. My theory is that my brain will not accept acting when the behavior of the actors feels too far from reality. But, if I find it to be very humorous, I can accept a far fetch joke or ridiculously far fetched behavior. So what is the conclusion of that? That I don’t find the jokes in F.R.I.E.N.D.S funny, and thus, I don’t accept their exaggerated and unnatural behavior. But wait a minute. Isn’t this a catch 22 situation? The exaggerated and unnatural acting is the reason for which I can’t accept the jokes, and the reason why I can’t accept this style of acting is because I don’t find the jokes funny enough.

I will come no where reasoning like that. It has to be a combination of the acting AND the perceived quality of the jokes. I would like to label the jokes as cheap, far fetched, silly, immature, mainstream, “everybody must get the joke” humor. Sort of like a “Comedy for Dummies”. But I can’t do that can I? Not when I have a few friends that in my opinion are equipped with a well developed sense of humor and taste, that find the show to be funny. (Perhaps I just did, oops) If it wasn’t for this annoying fact, I could easily have dismissed the popularity of the show by saying “The Bold and the Beautiful was also a very successful series..”

I think it is the same predisposition towards acting that makes it hard for me to watch Disney movies where animals are given human characteristics. My brain will not accept that either. “Why would Ross say such a thing to his mother”? “Why would that pig be a Rastafarian..”? It just, doesn’t, make, sense!

I guess most people would tell me to loosen up, stop analyzing! But I can’t help it. Since the (so far) few readers of this blog are very intelligent and insightful people, perhaps there is someone out there who agrees with me, or perhaps someone can "help" me get rid of this strange mindset. And sooner or later I will be sitting there, on the couch with everybody else, laughing along when the woman in the hospital bed next to pregnant Rachel suggests that Ross could come over and feel how dilated her vagina is and then go back to compare the dilation with Rachel’s. Hahahahahaha… yeah.. wait a minute! No, never mind.. hahaha. Hmm.

.

That guy Joey can be funny though! They should do a show only about him.. Oh wait, they did, and it wasn't very funny. Guess he didn't get the same jokewriters..

The Frog's (Roast)Beef

The beef between the French and the English started a long time ago. It dates back to the 11th century when the Northmen (vikings) who ruled Normandy, a region in northwest of France, invaded and took control of England. You might therefore argue that the antipathy that exists today can be blamed on us Scandinavians and our ancestors. Anyhow the Northmen dissappeared but the Anglo-Norman conflict continued. After that followed the English miraculous defeat of the French army at Agincourt in the 15th century. Following this defeat, the English army captured the 17 year old commander of the French army, Joan of Arc, convicted her of heresy (unorthodox religious views), and burned her alive. The armed conflict came to an end after Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo in 1814, and England emerged as the worlds next super power.

In modern times the beef has turned into a pacified war of cultures and politics, and attacks on national traits. The English refer to the French as "Frogs" due to their habit of eating frog legs and the French like to call the English "Rosbifs" (roastbeefs) on equivalent grounds. The epithet "Rosbifs" also has a double meaning. Every summer France is invaded by British tourists, (I think the term is applied on members of Great Britain alike), and they tend to obtain the color of a bloody roastbeef during the first hours of sunbathing.

Not so long ago, I was made a victim of this beef in an unprovoked attack of mistargeted despise. I was minding my own business, waiting for a friend of mine at a small fishmarket-square in the old town of Nice, when I had the impression of being addressed by a coarse voice behind me. I turned around, and was asked a question (I think) by a "friend of the streets", to use a euphemistic and romanticized term for his kind, pointing to a bottle of wine by his feet. Since I failed to distinguish enough words in his sentence, and since I felt I hadn't deserved the aggressive tone, I simply shrugged my shoulders and turned round again. Doing so was of course a mistake since I acknowledged that I was receptive for communication.

The man came down from the third stairstep where he was residing and approached me. He was undoubtedly determined to provoke me, posing threats of intimate nature towards my mother, and repeatedly stating that I belong in the burning inferno below us. I praised him for his impressive vocabulary, with the intention of disarming his verbal attack, but this just seemed to aggrevate him further. His last resort was urging me to hit him in the face, probably in the hope of a pugilistic settlement. When I denied him this pleasure, he walked away calling me a no good English racist. I mumbled back, "actually, I'm Swedish, and I'm not racist." The man then walks back to me, shakes my hand and says "Swedish? Ok, I appologize.."

.

To my aggressor's defense, he seemed to be powered by more intoxicants than the contents of the bottle by his feet, that had been the subject of his initial inquiry. In any case, it was a very unexpected ending.

We don't need no more trouble

In these times of trouble, kikuyu and kalenjin rural gangs are spreadig terror in Kenya (death toll reaching 1000), the province of kandahar in afghanistan has seen it's deadliest attacks since the talibans were overthrown in 2001, diplomatic relations between Iran and the west are are strained due to Tehrans's conviction to become a nuclear nation, rockets and retaliations are everyday news on the west bank, iraq is still one of the most dangerous places on earth, and Serbia and it's ally Russia are stictly opposing Kosovo's declaration of independance, I would like to send out a message of peace. In a profound way, the artist below questions the meaning of military conflicts and points out the commercial interests of nations that often underlie them. So stop your business, and check dis!

Playing the guitar

This is Adrian Holovaty interpreting an improvisation by Belgian gypsy jazz guitarist Django Reinhardt, by many considered the best guitar player of all times. Only Django played with two of the fingers on his LEFT hand almost completely paralyzed due to first and second degree burns he obtained at the age of 18 when his caravan caught fire in the gypsy camp he grew up in outside Paris.
.

Django Reinhardt (1910-1953)

The Danish (Language)

The Danish Language sounds like totally incomprehensible vowel ramblings to most people. A French friend of mine illustrated it quite appropriately. We were lying by a pool with two Danish friends, who were chatting away in their mysterious language. He suddenly said “I can also speak Danish”, stuck his head into the pool and talked under water. It did not sound too bad. I think he stumbled upon a magical translation tool. Any language will sound like Danish when spoken under water. Some Norwegian comedians have made a sketch on this topic. Thank you N for bringing this to my attention.

Inspired

Once in a while I get inspired. It is often from a book or a film. Sadly, the inspiration tend to fade away. But the source of inspiration and the experience will stay with me. What inspires me is stories or questions that makes me see life in a new way, or in a forgotten way. Questions about the ultimate, filosophical, metaphysical reflections on the life we are living in this time and the purpose we seek. It is stories, or ideas that embodies my own nagging feeling that the purposes we seek are the wrong ones, and the lives we live to reach those purposes are wasted away, chasing them. That our focus is on what we want to reach, or what the norms of society says we should reach, and not on what we really feel. These feelings are suddued as we are blinded by our everyday struggle to meet the goals imposed upon us.

.

The sources of inspiration never provides any clear answers. They leave me with the sensation that I know what lies down the road, following the path I think I have chosen. And I don't know if I want it. And I don't know how to avoid it. Or maybe I do, I just don't dare to let go.

.

I believe what I'm talking about is called escapism. In our modern society we are so distant from our biologically normal natures. Maybe that's why I have troubles putting this feeling into words. Because it is biological. Either way, the reason for which I am writing this right now is because I got inspired by a movie I saw. It is called "Into the wild". And I can highly recommend it.

(Nice) Bus drivers

The bus drivers in Nice are of a strange breed. Within this corps I have encountered some of the most vicious, ill-tempered, and arrogant people in public service positions. The most recent incident took place this morning.

The bus was backing out from its platform, when suddenly there is a crunching sound. The driver does not seem to pay much attention to this. Then a guy enters the bus and says something to the driver, who exits the bus to have a look, then comes back in, says “Putain” 2 times, which translates into “whore”, takes the bus back to the platform and turns of the engine. Shortly after another guy enters the bus and they start filling out papers. Apparently the bus driver had backed into a scooter. Evidently, the explanation for this 25 minute delay was not in our interest as mere passengers on our way to work.

On several occasions, one particularly mean and arrogant specimen has refused to accept 5 € bills. I know he could easily break a 5 € bill, he just does it out of spite, because the bus company has made up some rule, (which probably contradicts the law), that drivers don’t have to except bills. I once asked him if he could give me the change back when I get off the bus, which I do one stop before the final destination. His reply was as simple as it was arrogant. He said “Non”. I asked him why he refused, when at least one of his colleagues had accepted such an arrangement on prior occasions. His second reply was equally simple, yet revealing. He said “Non, je le fait pas”, (No I wont do it). I usually try to counter such behavior with a sort of Zen-like sarcasm, but this time I lost my temper. The very same guy has on another occasion told me to “take the seaside tourist-bus with no roof if it is air you want”, when I asked him to turn on the air conditioning in a very hot bus full of suffering people.

I think a lot of people on the Riviera, (mostly from the older generations), regard their workplace, be it a café, a travel agency, or a bus, as their domain, their second home, where they rule. And when you step into their realm, you do so on their terms. These people’s motto seems to be The customer is always wrong.

Big little Sweden

I was about to write a post about the petty, and seemingly unimportant news that the leading newspaper in the south of Sweden, (where I'm from), usually regards as first page material. It can be the sort of ground-breaking news like "Suspicious man talked to kids at playground", or "Lawn mover thieves caught red-handed". Or the headline I found this morning, "Children were offered to try cat food at kindergarten". I found another typical headline yesterday that I wanted to share. It also was a reflection of the news vacuum that exists in Sweden. Only this time, the story was found to be first page material also by a slightly bigger newspaper. I will take the liberty to freely interpret and retell the events leading up to this headline and court case.

A woman calls a dog kennel owner to inquire about a puppy that is for sale. She explains to the owner, (who is also a woman), that she and her co-habiter have been looking for a puppy for a long time, and that they both would have lots of time to tend to the puppy since they are both students. The kennel owner is somehow made to understand that the spouse of the puppy-interested woman is also a woman. She then replies, "I don't trust homosexuals. I once had to deal with transvestites, and I have read that they are into animal pornography." The kennel owner denied the woman to buy the puppy on these grounds. Little did she know (indeed) that this phone call was to be considered a CNN Top Story.

El Mariachi Perdido

Like I anticipated, Our trip to the Cologne Carneval did not pass without peculiar incidents. Sure, our Mariachi band was a great success and we enjoyed much attention and appreciation from the pleasant Colognians. One of us though, were about to discover the dark side of being a street musician, or in fact, a broke, drunk, cold, and lost Mariachi.

.

On our second night in Cologne, my friend wore long underpants under his elastic Mariachi pants. Thus he had no pockets. Thus he gave me a 20 euro bill to keep for him, and did not bring his phone. Of course this was going to punish him. At the last club we visited my friend finally had a few too many kölsch and got separated from us when our group got split up. Without a cellphone it was hard to keep track of him, and each of us assumed he had gone home with one of the cabs. He never retrieved the 20 euros from me. And he was never seen again.

.

Until 4 pm the day after. He had been walking the cold windy streets of Cologne all night, wet snow falling down on him making his costume wet. With no money or means of communication. In the morning he had to resort to asking people for monetary contributions, explaining his story to bypassers. Some were reluctant to believe him. Ironically, he is a good guitare player and singer, but he was to cold and tired to play for money. After 10 hours on the streets he had finally managed to get a tram close to our accomodation, and borrow a phone from a nice Colognian man. He was picked up by car and returned to us. With a limb, and not in the best of shapes. My guitar suprisingly intact though. I would probably have tried to sell the gutiare in that situation. Maybe he did..

Roy Scheider sleeps with the fish

American actor Roy Scheider, whom we all remember from the 80's blockbuster movie "Jaws", has kicked the bucket, (to use yet another metaphor), at the age of 75. His career could have taken a different direction as he was originally casted to play John Rambo in “First Blood”. He was also supposed to command a role in the classic movie “Deer Hunter”, but was bound by his commitment to do a “Jaws” sequel. But nonetheless, his famous line in “Jaws” – “We’re gonna need a bigger boat”, has been awarded 35th place on the American Film Institute’s list of best movie quotes. Since “Jaws” has given me many horror-filled nights as a youth, I will honor him in this blog. May he rest in one piece.

Don't read this

While picking on actors, I have to have a go at Adam Sandler. If you have a lot of work to do, if you're stressed or busy in any way, then don't read this post. It's not worth wasting your time reading about this guy.

I have long believed that Adam Sandler is borderline retarded. I can find no other reason for him to behave like he does on screen. It sure as hell is not acting. He sings or talks with a baby voice, looking like a complete idiot, and I don't find it funny. Just embarrasing and stupid. And his comedies are always ridicoulous stories full of juvenile low-brow toilet humor, which of course can be funny sometimes, but never with Adam Sandler. Perhaps he would not irritate me as much if he would stick to making toilet humor movies. But when he attempts to do serious movies with some sorf of message, (like "Spanglish"), he overestimates his talent as an actor.

It's easy to make movies the way Adam does. You just create characters and story without any regard to how far fetched, unrealistic, or silly it is. A typical Adam Sandler script would look like this:

Adam Sandler works at a zoo where he is responsible for the monkeys. He has a very sweet relationship with the monkeys, he teaches them to do tricks, and he sings to them in a high pitch baby voice. He can even communicate with them perfectly in plain english. But when speaking to humans, Adam has a grave speach impedement. One day a sweet girl in a wheelchair, (played by Drew Barrymore), visits the zoo. In a freakish accident, her wheelchair goes out of control (it's electric), and heads for the gorillas den where it hits the curb and she is thrown over the fence into the den. A silverback gorilla charges at her, but Adam arrives and talkes sense into it. Adam has not had much success with the girls prior to meeting the wheelchair girl, mostly because of his grave studdering. But he can relate to the wheelchair girl since she has a peculiar tick. She burps very loud every time she laughs. She also has a grave lisp. The girl runs a gay pet shop, but she is to much in debt and will have to sell her business. Adam though, want's to help her out, and miracolously he is about to inherit a million dollars from his deceased uncle. But his uncle, a rich excentric, has put a condition in his testamente. Adam will only inherit the money if he succeds in beating a kangaroo in a boxing game... It's a very convenient way to write scripts. Anyway, have a look at the clip below with some typical Adam Sandler and I hope you ask yourself why people are laughing at this guy.

Should Mentally challlenged people make movies? Of course they should! But only if they have some sort of talent. Retardation alone is not funny, and should not be enough to become a succesful actor/producer.

You again!?

It has happened that I have fallen asleep on the bus, missed my stop, and been woken up by the busdriver sreaming "Destination finale!!". Today it happened for the second time in a row. When dazedly walking out of the bus, passing the front door, the bus driver stood there and gave out a chuckle. Somehow he knows by now that this is not where I'm supposed to go...

Willard Christoper Smith

I have for a long time, ever since he started making movies, had a grudge with Mr Will Smith. I discovered a pattern. Has it occured to anyone else that he always (apart from one or two movies) plays a superhuman, either physically, emotionally, ethically or charismatically superiour characther (or all of the above) that preferably ends up saving the world, or a smaller part of it, and always does it in style.

Saving the world in "Independance Day"

Has it occured to anyone else how coool Mr Smith is (or attempts to be) in all of his characthers? I can't stand it. It must be the result of his super ego. Some people let loose their super ego in real life, like P Diddy, riding a jetski from his 5 billion yacht, wearing a white tuxido, gold neckless, and a toothpick in his mouth. Will Smith shows how big his ego is on the screen. His last movie is called "I am legend". He plays a military cournel, who is also a leading scientist, (trying to save the world of course), and a bodybuilder. In addition he is a real sweet guy with no moral defects. It makes me sick.

.

Saving the world in "I am legend"

And let's have a look at some of the latest movies he has starred in and you'll hopefully catch my drift.

Charming the girls in "Hitch"

Saving the world in "I Robot"

Millionaire yet street cop in "Bad Boys"

(Martin Lawrence does not deserve the clothes he's walking in)

Saving the world in "Men In Black"

.

Saving the world in "Wild Wild West"

I'm not even going to touch his musical carrer in which he has refrained from using profanity to set an example for the hip hop community. Too easy!

Since "Willy" is slang for penis, I would have chosen a different name for my album