Ca va? ca va, ca va? ca va!

Don't worry, this blog has not changed languages, any French speaker could see that. But I promised to post in French one time, so voila.

Je n'aime pas quand les jeunes qui me passent me dit ca va? Si ils n'ont pas l'intention de s'arreter, c'est stupid demander si ca va ou non. Oui, je sais, c'est pour etre polit, mais c'est superficiel, et on sais deja la reponse, mais pas non plus! Pas avec moi. Je vais commencer de repondre "Non, pas trop" juste pour m'opposer. Vous vous imaginer comme vous aller vous sentir, vous m'eloigner apres avoir entendu ca.

I don't like when people who pass me by ask me how I'm doing. If they don't have the intention of stopping for a few seconds, I don't see the point of asking how I'm doing. Yes, I know, it's just to be polite, but it's superficial, and they already know what the answer will be. But not anymore! Not with me. I'm gonna start responding "not too good" whilst passing by. Just to protest to this behaviour. Imagine how you would feel walking away from that.
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I want it that way

Since I have a kind of love-hate relationship with Boy band music, Voila, Trace Bundy. It's beeing cheesy with class.

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Evilution

Some would argue that since we no longer are as threatened by death in or day to day lives as we used to be, our evolution has slowed down or seized completely. We no longer depend on our physical or mental capabilities to keep us from being eaten alive by a mammoth or being excluded from our group, kicked out of the cave, and die of starvation. At least most of us don’t. But there are still people that are subjected to natural selection. It is the people who climb into tiger dens at the zoo, who walk up to a huge piece of firework to see why it didn’t go off, or that monk that recently got killed by his own lawn mover.

But sadly, there are not enough dangers nowadays to fuel the cleansing evolutionary fire. It does not take much intelligence at all to grow old anymore. And even if you don’t even have enough of it to tie your own shoe laces, your parents won’t kick you out of the cave or drown you in the river. No the only contemporary danger with the ability of weeding out the feeble minded seems to be traffic accidents. And as you can see in the list below it only stands for 2.3 percent of all deaths in moderate to well developed countries.


Ischemic Heart Disease 12.4%
Cerebrovascular Disease 9.2%
Lower Respiratory Infections 6.9%
HIV/AIDS 5.3%
Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease 4.5%
Perinatal conditions 4.4%
Diarrhoeal Diseases 3.8%
Tuberculosis 3.0%
Road Traffic Injuries 2.3%
Trachea, Bronchus, Lung Cancers 2.2%


And since the most common type of accident is a collision between two vehicles, there is a good chance that the idiots who drive too fast or recklessly will take a person with normal or high intelligence with them to the afterlife. You might argue that it’s not only stupid people who drive fast or recklessly. No, of course it’s not, but give me a break, I’m not writing a scientific essay here. I just want to make two points about evolution.

Point no 1: The results of if might be slow, but it’s happening.. all the time! So watch out! (Note: Since all of my readers are higly intellectual, none of you run the risk of being victims of natural selection)

Point no 2: It is evil. It is evil because it weeds out the weakest. And therefore it contradicts the notion of a loving god.

Some religious people would say that evolution is just a scientific theory and not a fact of life, and that all of the binding evidence in the form of fossils, were placed there by god to test our faith. Even if that was the case I wouldn’t worship a god who plays with dirty tricks like that. It’s like sending an anonymous flirtatious mail to your girlfriend to test her loyalty. It is not worthy of an all-knowing, all-powerful god, and it is very close to being in contradiction with his own commandment nr 8, “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour”, which at least to Roman Catholics and Lutherans, is interpreted as the interdiction of lying.

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Crazy Cote d'Azur

There seems to be a relatively large quantity of crazy people on the French Riviera and in Nice in particular. We have the regular “bird woman” walking around with dirt all over, no shoes, screaming incomprehensibly like she was possessed by demons. We have a Finnish lady that has been walking the streets for several years, holding a rag over her mouth, using the same story over and over about how she fell, broke her teeth, and need money to get home. I have several friends that have been subjected to unprovoked attacks from lunatics, hitting them, pulling their hair, et.c. One of the most spectacular attacks was on a Scottish friend’s girlfriend. They were talking in Spanish!, on the bus, when a crazy woman attacked them, pulling his girlfriends hair whilst screaming something like “god damn tourists!”. The police had to come pull her off the bus.

Even the street performers are crazy. There’s a Japanese guy, singing with an extremely high pitched voice, constantly turning his hat around. And there is a guy doing the most bizarre dance I’ve seen. He moves around in a kind of new age style to slow music, in very tight pants. But there is something fascinating about him. He always draws a crowd, and I think it is because people wait for something to happen, but nothing ever does. He has no talent what so ever, and that’s what makes the guy so funny.

The latest lunatic encounter I had was this morning. When rapidly walking my 150 meters or so to the bus, one would think that I wouldn’t bee subjected to mad people, but I was. A man was walking around greeting people in a quite cool way. The first part of the salute was an incredibly loud and exaggerated laugh, which was followed by “Bonne Année!” i.e. Happy New Year! Since I like to analyze, my theory is that the guy had a psychosis from sniffing too much glue or overdosing on drugs last New Year’s, lost the concept of time, and now regards every day as New Year’s Day.

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Playing the Piano

In my series of musical virtuosity, the turn has come to the piano. And for the second time in a row, I will feature a child prodigy. There is something fascinating about child prodigies. You think it shouldn’t be possible for kids to possess such amazing skills and intelligence, but we are underestimating the little buggers I think. Perhaps they were right in medieval times, kids are just small versions of grown-ups.

I remember thinking that I was pretty smart and special as a small child, but then something happened to me that almost (;) had me convinced otherwise. School. Once out of school again, and out of reach from the arbitrary judgments of teachers. I can once again start to believe in my suppressed geniality. Enough about me!? Have a look at this Japanese 8 year old and his interpretation of Chopin’s Valse no 14. I think it’s a safe bet to assume that his parents didn’t take him to McDonalds on Sundays (euphemism).

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The absent gardener

So we were sitting in the bar at Sinnoths, in Dublin, when I noticed a rugby player looking guy who was hanging out in our proximity. I noticed him because he was hanging out in a weird way. He wasn't sitting or standing at the bar. Nor was he sitting in one of the chair groups a bit away from the bar. He was simply standing on the floor, a good one and a half meters from the counter, with a weird smile and an absent look on his face. I remember saying something like "this guy seems a bit lost" to my Irish friend.

A few beers and Bulmers (Irish cider) later, we were still sitting at the bar, having a discussion about god knows what, when suddenly, out of nowhere, he emerges right next to us, leaning in very close to try and catch what my Dutch friend was saying. Of course the conversation stopped abruptly. What do you do when someone just comes up to you and listens carefully to your conversation without introducing himself? If he hadn't put his face 20 cm's from my friends, perhaps we could have ignored him, but now we were in an awkward situation. My Dutch friend started chatting with him though, and later on we were introduced. It soon became quite clear that he was mentally challenged. His engine was running but there was no one behind the wheel. Or the driver was drunk, which clearly was also the case on that night, and didn't help him to come across as more comprehensible.

Since he didn't have any other friends, and since he seemed like a happy camper, smiling and laughing at anything we said, he was quickly integrated into our group. He was even hired by my Dutch friend to come do his garden in Holland, a legally binding oral business contract. Nothing unusual about that. Who hasn't gotten a bit drunk and hired a retarded gardener who lives 1000 km's away, across two oceans, in another country.

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Somewhere after midnight, he said he had missed his last bus. And a few hours later when we were about to leave, I made the decision that could have had sinister consequences. He seemed quite helpless, it was raining cats and dogs outside, so I decided he could come with us and crash on (our) floor, in my Irish friend’s apartment that is. When I took that decision, I didn't reflect much upon the fact that the flat owner, who had gone home a bit earlier, might not be to keen on us bringing home drunk, retarded gardeners with intimidating body masses.

So it was that we went back to the flat with a few nice locals and Craig the gardener. Craig got tired pretty quickly and was sleeping sitting up in one of the chairs in the living room. We were about six people who were not about to sleep, so to keep the party mood going, I moved him to the room next door where a friend of mine just happened to be sleeping as well. And this is where the exceptional part of this story begins.

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The room was about 5 meters wide, thus I put him down to sleep on a safe distance from my friend, who were still to be awaken by feeling the gardener's breath on the back of his neck. Not the most reassuring way of waking up. My friend told the gardener to move away, and so he did. But the creepiest part is yet to come. The second time he was woken up it was to see Craig the gardener standing over him, filming him with his mobile phone. It might have been just to keep a strange sort of souvenir. Then again, we all, and the gardener’s involuntary roommate in particular, might be very lucky to still be in one piece.

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Dye me a river

Just arrived to O’Connell street in Dublin, I bought a green hat, couldn’t find any hot dog stands, but made my way down to the river Liffey.. and it wasn’t green. Nor was any beer in the pubs. Turns out the Irish care too much about their beer to dye it green. I couldn’t say if adding colorants would impact the quality that much, maybe the Guinness is too dark and complex to color, but they could play around with a simpler beer like Budweiser or Heineken. Since I really want to come back sometime, I propose that you use some of that new found wealth on beer and river colorants. If Chicago can do it, so can you.

That being the only disappointments, I was really content and impressed with the Dubliners, their beautiful city, and the buzzing atmosphere during S:t Paddy’s. You can actually talk to strangers without being met by suspicion. And yes, the Guinness is different in Ireland. It is less creamy and tastes better.

And for the exceptional events that I was expecting from this year’s S:t Paddy’s, I was not let down. It is kind of unrelated, but we were approached by this peculiar smiling gardener in of the pubs…

To be continued.

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Exceptional

I will leave sunny Nice now for a few days. Getting on a plane to Dublin this afternoon. I am going there to drink green beer, dressed in green, in a green pub, by a green river. Yes, it's S:t Patrick's Day, or "Lá Fhéile Pádraig" in Gaelic. A celebration of S:t Patrick, an English missionary in Ireland some 1700 years ago. This year, the Pope has moved the holiday from its traditional date, 17th March, to the 14th or 15th (will see when I get there), because it coincides with the "Palm Sunday". Last time that happened was in 1940, and next time it will happen will be in 2160.

Thus I have picked an exceptionally special occasion to go there, and in return my expectations are exceptionally high. I expect exceptional and extraordinary events to take place so that I can share them exceptionally with you in this exceptional blog.

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Throwing stones in houses of glass

The latest buzz in the US presidential race is the comment made by Geraldine Ferraro, (depicted above), a high level campaign aid in the Clinton camp. She denounces Obama's success claiming he got where he is because of his skin color. It is classical desperate rhetoric from someone in a loosing position. The full quote was:

“If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept."

So she’s saying that were he a white man, he wouldn’t be in his current position, and were he a black woman, he would neither. In the first part or her comment, she is referring to Obama’s relative lack of experience. If a white man with the same amount of experience would run, he wouldn’t be elected. But wasn’t John F Kennedy equally inexperienced. In the second part of her comment she argues that it would not be possible for a black female candidate to be this successful. At least that’s how I interpret it, and how else can you? And that is just sad. Even though Hillary has publicly denounced the comments from Ferrraro, you can’t help wondering if this isn’t a conscious “cheap shot” from her side to try to undermine Obama’s momentum.

Anyway, this is the third “slip-up” from the Clinton camp. Firstly they used a picture of Obama (or O’bama as I like to call him when we’re approaching S:t Patrick’s day) in an African garb to try and convince people he had Muslim beliefs, (and would therefore be the devil himself). Secondly, Hillary was quoted saying republican candidate John McCain would make a better president than Obama, now that says a whole lot more about Hillary’s beliefs and values than it does about Obama’s competence. And now this, 3 strikes and you’re out. Man I wish I could vote. Just a thought, since the politics of the white house has such an impact on the entire world, wouldn’t it be fair to let the whole world vote in the US presidential elections?

To come back to the title of this post, experienced or not, where would Hillary be, had she not been the wife of someone who turned out to become president?

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Choice of career

This is not in any way unique or special. Every other guy working in an office probably has the same feelings now and then. Entrapment. Computer screens. Boredom. Sterile. Appearance. Corporate bullshit. Rigid conversations. Etc etc. But I wonder how many office workers gaze jealously at the gardeners, thinking that if money was not an issue, I’d rather be doing what they’re doing. Walking around amongst trees and plants, cutting them, watering them… talking to them.

Or I could have been a lumberjack (treecutter). Out everyday, in the middle of deep forests. Getting dirty, cutting down majestic trees, enjoying the violent spectacle of them coming crashing down with a thunderous roar… doing a mans job!

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Know your audience

Today (Monday), nothing of interest has happened. Not in the big world, nor in my personal life. And I could not, as hard as i tried, come up with something to write about. Therefore I decided to write about you.

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You are at least 100 different persons. You have visited my blog about 500 times altogether since i started late January. You stay for 2 min and 30 seconds on average per visit. You come from France, Sweden, US, Belgium, Netherlands, Monaco, Romania, United Kingdom, Germany, Finland, Spain, Brazil, Canada, Denmark and Hong Kong, (in order of most visitors), You are smart, good looking, sophisticated, and I love you.

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The world is going green

Pathetic

pa·thet·ic /pəˈθɛtɪk/ [puh-thet-ik]
–adjective
1.
causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow, etc.; pitiful; pitiable: a pathetic letter; a pathetic sight.
2.
affecting or moving the feelings.
3.
pertaining to or caused by the feelings.
4.
miserably or contemptibly inadequate: In return for our investment we get a pathetic three percent interest.
5.
having pasta with herbes the provence tomato sauce and steak hache for lunch, on a Sunday, alone, cleaning your dishes and cooking the exakt same thing for dinner.
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W for Waterboarding

I just got home from one of the tackiest pubs in Nice. I was going to write about the highlight of the evening which was when a guy got kicked out of the pub for criticising the DJ. However, it actually touches upon the real subject of this post since it is quite a Bushesque (yes, I invented this word) way of dealing with criticism, remember the student who got tazed for asking inconvenient questions to Bush at a university seminar? I am sure Bush didn’t instruct the security forces to eject and taze people who asks inconvenient questions, but he silently watched it happen, probably glad he got off the hook.

What made me change my mind about the subject for this post was the news that the tap dancing monkey says he will veto a legislation that would prevent the CIA from using waterboarding as an interrogation technique. The self proclaimed advocator of freedom and democracy sends a message to the world that it approves of torture. As if he hasn’t done enough damage yet to America’s reputation worldwide. It is hardly surprising though, and it strengthens my (prejudice) of republicans as “gung-ho”, gun loving, inhumane fascist warmongers. Be it Obama or Clinton, the US of A is in great need of a “liberal faggot” in the white house.

When you think about all the damage his administration has caused, it’s not as easy anymore to laugh at all of the wonderful moments of stupidity that constitutes his only valuable legacy to the world. I don’t know, try it yourselves.

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Sexual Healing

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The pharmacy in the so famously sexually liberated country of Sweden, has been convinced by the RFSU, (Swedish society for sexual education), to sell sex-toys in their stores. I think the initiative is sound, exaggerated moralization about sex is unhealthy, taboos need to be broken etc. However I have my doubts as to whether the venture will be successful. There is a reason why dildos are not sold in supermarkets. People are not yet comfortable with displaying such purchases publicly. And with the arrival of E-commerce, I doubt that many people would face their fear of humiliation and present a dildo to the cashier at a pharmacy that usually is quite full of people. But hey, someone’s got to break the rules, and who better to do it than a governmental organization on a monopoly market. The only risk they take is the taxpayer’s money..

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Shivers

It is not often that musical performances give you shivers. They come only when the music gives you a sensation of excellence, when the notes are delivered with such feeling, intensity and perfection, that it seems to cut straight through you. It makes me think that the musical sense of humans is more profound than we would think. The shivers seem to come half a second before the brain has grasped the sensation of the music. This time it was an 11 year old girl that moved me with her voice, as she did with the jury on “America’s Got Talent”, where she went on to claim first price. Brandy said she made her want to go practice and gospel icon Yolanda Adams said there was little she could teach her that she didn’t already know. Critic Tammy La Gorce says she possesses a musical dexterity that most established artists twice her age approaches, but never quite nails. And I think that is the best way to describe her talent. If anyone missed out on Bianca Ryan from “America’s got talent”, voila, turn up the volume and enjoy!

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(Notice how Brandy looses herself in the music and on impulse puts her hands behind her head, regretting herself halfway, for an instance doubting if she is properly shaved)

First Appearance on "America's Got Talent", singing "And I am telling you , I'm not going", originally performed by Jennifer Holliday in the 1980's Broadway Musical Dreamgirls.

On the other side of the globe..

...strange things are taking place.




Think twice about playing Rock, paper, scissors with a Japanese.

No peace in the middle east

Israeli troops just pulled out of Jebaliya, following their first land offensive since 2006 into the Gaza strip. Their mission was to fight the Hamas militants that has been launching repeated rocket attacks on the southern Israeli city of Ashkelon. As usual the death tolls are quite uneven, and seem to follow the ratio 1/10 (Israeli/Palestinians). Israeli defense minister Ehud Barak says that a full scale invasion to bring down the Hamas regime is considered. Haven’t we just witnessed some conflict in Iraq were it became quite clear that the overthrowing of regimes will not stop fundamentalist militant insurgency I will let two quotes illustrate the hopelessness of the situation:

"We will use force to change the situation," Barak said at a meeting late Sunday of security commanders, according to a statement from his office.

"If the Israeli government thinks through escalation and military solution they will acquire peace and security, they're wrong," Chief Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erakat.

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On a more positive note, President Bush is determined to broker a mideast peace agreement before he leaves office next january. My hopes are up ;)